‘I Ain’t Gay’ - Straight Men Who Mess With Men

If a man engages in sexual activity with another man, is he ipso facto bisexual or gay?

Recently, I decided to log into Facebook for the first time in months. Not much has changed: Facebook continues to offer heavy doses of overwrought, polemic statuses about race relations, unnecessary pregnancy announcements and plenty of “thank you God for waking me up this morning” messages.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

At any rate, as I was browsing, I came across something very interesting, as well as something that I see becoming increasingly prevalent as I march closer to that Social Security check the older I get: gay guys I know getting married to women.

Or at least I thought they were gay.

Which brings us back to the question that was posed earlier: is a man considered bisexual or gay if he has at some point engaged in some type of homosexual activity? A recent Huffington Post article, “Why Some Straight Men Are Romantically or Sexually Attracted to Other Men,”essentially argues that sexual behavior and sexual orientation can be mutually exclusive; in other words, having sex with a man doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay. Among the reasons why a straight man would have sexual relations with another man, according to the aforementioned piece:

First sexual experience: Sometimes heterosexual males experiment with other males sexually, usually in adolescence and/or young adulthood (up to age 25), for the experience or to satisfy curiosity.

Availability / opportunity: These straight men have high sex drives and are sexually aroused easily. They connect with men for physical sexual release, which can be quick and easy and allows them avoid having to emotionally engage.

Narcissism: These are straight men who are self-absorbed and have a constant need for attention and acceptance; they use sexuality with men to be worshipped and adored.

“I just want to, you know, try it out…”

The above list was redacted to include what I believe may be the most common situations among straight men who have had homosexual encounters. In reference to the first sexual experience bullet point, I could definitely see how a guy who self-identifies as straight would possible want to, you know, see what was going on with another guy. Back in the old days (circa 2006), these were the dudes I expected to send me that infamous “whassup” Facebook message after the initial meeting.

Allow me to explain.

Before gay was “in,” if a guy was interested in another guy—but wanted to express his interest clandestinely—he would simply send him a message via Facebook that said nothing more than “whassup.”

The implications of this one-word message were far greater than one may have initially assumed.

For what “whassup” really meant was, “I’m interested in hooking up.” In retrospect, I received plenty of “whassup” messages from people who are now preparing to tie the knot with a woman, including but not limited to the anonymous individual who was mentioned earlier in the post.

Does that mean he and other guys are living a lie?

If Push Comes to Shove…

Opportunity works in tandem with curiosity. Often, when gays are speculating about whether they believe a “straight” guy is actually gay, you will hear at least one guy argue, “I don’t think he’s gay, but if he was horny he’d let a dude suck his (you know what).”

Hey, times get hard, both figuratively and literally speaking. Just because a “straight” guy consents to having another guy put his penis in his mouth, doesn’t necessarily make him gay, right?

Or does it?

Is horniness a legitimate “excuse” here, or is it merely a red herring for someone’s closeted lifestyle?

The Attention Whore...

The last bullet point, narcissism, is arguably the most intriguing.

Recently, I went out with a friend and a few guys he’d invited. Among them was a guy who self-identified as straight. For full disclosure, we’d met up at a gay club, and a lively one at that. Nevertheless, my friend’s “straight” cohort seemed to be quite comfortable twerking with the gays.

Throughout the night, I saw dude after dude approach the “straight” guy and, one-by-one, get their feelings hurt when he kindly told them he wasn’t interested because he wasn’t gay.

I didn’t get it. Surely, he would grow tired of getting hit on by guys, right?

Perhaps it was food for his ego. After all, what better way to boost your confidence than to dole out rejection after rejection, callous as it may be?

So Is He Gay, or what?

Ultimately, this is a conversation that an individual must have with himself and Beyoncé God—or whatever/whoever you worship, if you worship anyone at all; no one else can make this determination. Moreover, sometimes we need to experience certain situations before we can give affirmation to a belief or feeling. Way back yonder, I experimented with girls, only to confirm that I’d rather be maimed than to suffer through life with a girl.

So since I’ve had sexual relations with a girl, does that make me straight?

If yes, shoot me dead now. Just kidding.

All jokes aside, sometimes that “what if?” cloud won’t stop hovering above us until we satisfy our curiosity. Maybe the same holds true for “straight” guys who have homosexual encounters. Or, who knows, maybe some of these guys really are just in the closet, and are succumbing to a life of emotional, mental and sexual suppression. I certainly hope that isn’t the case, though.

After all, you can’t spell “happy” without “gay”

Think about it.

Ethan’s Note: You clearly can spell ‘happy’ without ‘gay’ , I simply was having a tough time ending the piece. Sue me.

Do you think one homosexual experience makes a man gay? Share your thoughts!

Copyrighted 2014 © Ethan Windsor XII